What do you plan to do when you retire? How will you spend your days? What are you currently doing that you plan to stop doing? Here’s a snapshot of my immediate aspirations in early retirement (please pardon the expletives & cursing!):
1) Sleep in: Yesterday (Saturday) we slept in until 7:20 am. Today (Sunday) we slept in until 8:35 am….. my plans are to NEVER be awoken by an alarm again! NEVER EVER! We will sleep in 7 days per week (usually between 7 & 7:30 we awaken).
2) Frequent naps and daily beverages: Naps? On the weekends I enjoy an afternoon nap. Yesterday I went to sleep at 2:00 pm and awoke at 3:10, had a quick cup of coffee, and then we attended Church services at 4 o’clock. (We attend Church on Saturday afternoons, this frees up our Sunday mornings to sleep in late, workout, enjoy Brunch and a Bloody Mary).
Daily beverage? Back in the 70’s and early 80’s many a business deal commenced over a martini at lunchtime. Today that is taboo. The earliest time it is acceptable to drink (in the US) is “happy hour” at 5 pm. Who came up with this rule? You can’t imagine how many times I’m eaten a Reuben sandwich with a co-worker and craved a Guinness! What’s a sandwich without a beer accompanying it? When I’m retired I’ll have either a beer, a Bloody Mary, or a glass of wine with lunch; this will be a suitable prelude to my afternoon nap.
3) RELOCATE (out of the Suburbs and into the Rural): My property tax bill last year was $10,400. That’s outrageous! Before retirement we plan on selling our home (sits on one acre), moving to a different state (possible AR or TN) and purchasing 10-15 acres. We’ll have more dogs (more German Shepherds, three is certainly not enough!), a donkey, a goat and a chicken coop. This will provide for an agriculture tax deduction which off-sets property taxes. I also plan to build an outdoor pistol range. Our days will be busy hunting, fishing in a nearby stream, riding our Harley motorcycle through backroads and building a huge garden.
4) Never a necktie: I loathe neckties. I wear one at work at least twice per week and I hate it! On the day I retire I will donate all (I’ll keep my one black tie for the occasional funeral) of my neckties to charity. I’m a casual dresser. My version of getting dressed up is a pear of jeans with a French cuff shirt (never tucking it in) with cuff links.
5) No more B.S. As I age (I’m 51) and as my wealth grows, the less and less bullshit I’ll tolerate. For my entire career I’ve had clients and I’ve had to suck their asses. I realize it’s the cost of doing business. I’m to the point where I AM NOW THE CUSTOMER and I won’t cut any slack, whether I’m renting a car, checking into a hotel, dealing with my cell phone provider, etc. etc. You all know what I mean. We all deal with daily bullshit. NO MORE! I’m a client, a customer and it’s time I had my ass sucked.
6) ONE WORD will no longer exist in my vocabulary: mandatory
I’ve always resented and despised this one word. When you’re retired there is NO MORE MANDATORY anything. I realize that life has a book of rules. When you sign up for a mortgage loan and the payment is due on the 1st, it doesn’t mean you can make your payment after the 20th, each month. That’s not what I’m talking about. I am talking about corporate bullshit, mandatory meetings, mandatory dinners, conferences, etc. Screw that stuff!
In summary, as you can tell; there’s a few things that really annoy me. A few things that I will eliminate from my life as well as a few things I’ll implement. I suppose some reading this article will characterize me as lazy and/or an asshole. I completely understand this on the surface. I’m neither lazy nor an asshole (my sweet wife might sometimes disagree with this, ha, ha!). I workout daily (I get my exercise in), I work around the house and in the yard. I run errands I hate running… and I like my naps! Asshole? Not necessarily. I am simply fed up. Fed up with work, fed up with appeasing my bosses, fed up with appeasing clients. I am working like a Hebrew slave NOW so that I can retire early, be financially independent and never another boss to appease, never another meeting to attend. I’m now a client and it’s time someone appeases me….